don't get dramatic, this aint the movies

it's the start of a new quarter and Spring Break was 90% what I wanted it to be.
What makes it 90 rather than 100 is the lack of sex and my caving in. I decided I'd go easy on myself because break was pretty fucking great. Olivia, Grant, weed, Mickey's, mountains, Alice, weed, mountains. need I say more? Sex would haev been nice like I said but yeah that's another story.
About caving in, I gave in but only once, when am I going to reach the age where it is simply not okay to give in, even if it's "only once"?
What age is the age in which the phrase" I'm young, it's cool" just won't suffice anymore?
Anyway the quarter has just begun and I've already found myself too busy to think.
I sleep at night, sleep filled with intricate dreams, always a face..
And then I don't sleep at night, theological concepts, philosophical debates, selfishness, virtue, blah and z, plus chinese characters cloud my horizon, and the second sleep claims me I'm walking down the empty hallway to relieve my bladder.
That's that.

I've realized that you are not at all what I am looking for, but I am still immensely attracted to you.....Can Aleks and Patysse just make babies hold the fetus while Dalyce and Jesus continue to be best friends or whatever? And can Aleks refrain from touching other girls? No, can Aleks just be the man I want him to be? The one who can hold true to his convictions, back his arguments up, and do something with his life, do something productive, that involves his mind, and stop smoking so much weed? Okay yeah done.

I'm pretty indifferent to you, I just wish we could have had more sex. Seriously. And I do sort of kind of want to go to Austrailia with you, I just don't see how that's going to happen.

I guess that I am lonely but right now, with my studies, it doesn't seem suitable to feel that way.
I've started writing for the Spectator, my debut story, on the Collision event happening tomorrow, I'm fucking excited/nervous/determined to prove myself as a competent, insightful, succint writer......yeah this blog isn't proving that.
Anyway, I have an interview with ArtsideOut's president in one half an hour.
I started reading Anna Karenina but Theology and Rhetoric have capitalized on my reading time.

We're reading "Deep River" in my God adn Evil class and Mitsuko, out of her insecurity/lack of place/lack of self-esteem/purpose, essentailly LACK OF SELF, is prone to seek out the destruction of others. Everyone in the class keeps talking about how selfish she is, but isn't selfish the same thing as self-interested? Doesn't self-interested involve self-esteem? Doesn't self-esteem involve self-actualization? Doesn't self-actualization involve purpose, pursuing that purpose? Yeah, Mitsuko has none of these. Wouldn't a selfiish person be completely indifferent to those around him, unreliant on others, independent of others? A selfish person would not need to compensate him/herself by destroying the good in others. A selfish person would receive compensation in his achievement alone. MITSUKO IS NOT SELFISH. God how I hate these altruistic, God-loving, Brotherly love preaching Jesuits sometime.

yeah and my Rhetoric class is going to fucking rock. Chris is a sci-fi, video game nerd from the South but don't stereotype because you wouldn't know it, he's a high fallooting Dr. but has us call him Chris, he talks faster than my mom on meth and that's damn fast, plus, Rhetoric is basically the secret to how the world works.


I'm proud to say that my soul is in recovery, forrealsies this time, I'm finally reaching a state of "untouchable", I'm bored of most of my friends right now because I've realized that they were formed by similar insecurities, I'm rising above that, okay i sound like an asshole but seriously, I'm trying to broaden my horizons, realize that life is not pain, so I'm pretty much over my friend's whining that the world is out to get him and that everything is relative and that compassion/service to others is his only goal in life, and my other friend's annoying insecure timid self, seriously, get some fucking self esteem.


And this is what happens when Dalyce doesn't have time to reflect on the scattered facets of her mind. At least I'm not depressed. At least I'm not depressed. Seattle U, I fucking love you.

Oh and I guess I should mention I need a job, my credit card is literally maxed out thanks to schoolbooks, plane tickets home, and bubbletea. yesssssssssssssssss.

And new music. I seriously have no ear for new music, I mean, I could spend a week telling you about the variety of new /old artists I've acquired from my college friends via flashdrive/mojo, and I just can't bring myself to listen to a word of most of it. s;jakal;jjkl;d

K by, interview time.

roverondom

4:26 am,
sleep,
what's that?
tossing around
thinking about Directive 10-289
thoughts of walking off into the dark abyss, living amongst nature in a world that punishes achievers
thinking about Robin Hood, heard someone mention him the other day
"Such a good message"
Is it? Maybe when considering the corruption of aristocracy
How about now? Is it okay to take from America's achievers and give it
and love, you are what you love
thinking about Dalyce,
what have I loved?
thinking about patterns,
mental patterns,
I loved him for his mind,
His mental capacity,
His quickwitted humor,
his love for his music,
oh how I wish I could describe in words good enough the extent for my love for his love for his music,
There's nothing I love more in a human being than to see them living their passion, bringing it to life through the art of creation ***
He loved her,
what is she?
We know what is she,
A shelly mess.
You are what you love.
So what must be he?
A shellier mess,
Lacking ability to love,
Capable only of destruction,
Destruction of that which he sees beautiful in others,
thinking about how much my life has changed,
is changing,
what's the point in insomnia when you're not on drugs?
No, no,
that's old talk, that's looking through past lens
Thinking about friends here,
Thinking about him,
"I'm a relativist, I feel like absolutism is so close minded."
Close minded? I used to think this to be a shortcoming,
And there's no doubting that it can be,
The thing with relativism is,
And "open minded"
Is that everyone preaches it,
how easy it is to preach,
yet know one lives by it.
Is it relative that you get your college education?
Is it relative that I refrain from taking a sledgehammer to your dog?
Is it relative that your roommate refrain from shitting all over your balls?
Yeah, tell me some more about your relativist philosophy.
He's such a whiner.
Is it the world's obligation to please him?
I don't think so.
Why are we friends?
We understand each other,
Our insecurity is the same,
What the fuck kind of friendship is that?
I hope no one finds this
that would be awful
No, why do I say that?
I should be honest.
Right now I'm thinking about philogy,
Tolkien was a philogist, I didn;'t know this.
I want to reread Roverendom.
I want to watch Contact.
It had such a good message, once stripped of its mainstream hollywood tendencies
Why doesn't C-Street open for another two hours?
I'm not sleeping tonight.
Bye.

*** this poem sucks, I'm glad I no longer try to write poetry but honestly, this line still resonates with me -- I still feel this way, and this sentiment is growing, and I am so happy that I am attracting more and more creative, passionate persons into my life. Nothing makes me happier than to see someone living out their passions to the fullest.

hi world,

I hate rejection notices.
I hate them.
And I will not have them in my life.

let me just say

"Teach Your Children Well" by CSN brings tears to my eyes.
I want to make my dad a mix CD.
Did you ever even make me that shirt? You probably threw it away.
This is the only time I'm going to admit this: I am sort of hurt that you are already making summer travel plans, concerning the Redwoods, with a girl you've just met, who is only 15 and doesn't eat. I don't even know what to say, because it seems like you guys have so much in common. Go for it, I guess, but don't expect me to be nice when I'm home. Our paradigms are shifting, anyways, and you are not the guy whose sight exults me.

a brief prologue

Written on January 10, 2010, by Dalyce:

I've made the decision to start blogging again. I used to blog all the time in high school, when the Myspace phenomena was at its peak. It's a new year, and it's time to revive the crushed state of my soul. It's time to feel like I'm 18 again. It's time to start making healthful choices on mental, spiritual, and physical levels. It's time to be that person I want to be. I wrote a longer thing on tumblr, before I realized that I prefer blogspot but it won't let me copy. Technology gargles balls. Going for a morning run. Adieu.

Written on March 16, 2010, by Dalyce:

Okay so I thought I'd forgotten the password to this blog but apparently I didn't.
I've just received inspiration. This here blog, "and that, that's the cut of my jib", is going to take over as my, Dalyce's, blog. My other blog, the one from which I have just transferred the above entry, is going to become my own personal experiment. I am going to create Patysse through a parallel universe. Patysse is going to be Dalyce to her actualized potential. Everytime I set out to post my tales of a whino, Patysse is also going to post her own tales, which are the opposite of tales of a whino. While Dalyce drives herself crazy through her unsatisfactory reality of spinsterdom, emotional eating, monotany, and insecurities, , Patysse is going to laugh, scream, and cry, dance, shout, and moan a life of adventure, love, sex, craft, experimentation, and creation. While Dalyce delves herslef in philosophical literature and the Oedipus trilogy for the 130592305th time in her life, Patysse is going to sleep under stars and dance around campfires, make love in elevators and dance the night away at DIY venues. While Dalyce retracts into her own mind under the influence of maryjane, Patysse is going to have spiritual revelations with a boy that owns her heart. I might drive myself crazy through this little project, time shall tell, but fuck I'm excited.

I'm sick of tumblr

Videos are cool, pictures are nice, but to be perfectly honest, I don't care about your super indie-underground-hipster videos or pictures, your superficial photos of anorexic looking girls, or your music. This is a hypocritical statement because I'm sure I'll still be using my tumblr, watching your super indie hipster videos, and publishing a few of my own.
ANYWAYS.
I want a word blog.
I'm going to try my very hardest NOT to make it tales of a whino
But, you know how that goes.
Right now, I've completed my Chinese final in its entirety,
Am "working" on my History/Philosophy papers,
And anxiously awaiting news concerning scholarship recipients for the journalism fellowship on family homelessness.
I am a scholar.
I am prosperous.
My application was immaculent (how do you spell emaculent?)
My writing samples were written with quality, clarity, passion, and spirit.
My bio was as quirky and unique and interesting as my laugh.
My essay questions were honest and prove both my competance and my passion.
I am forgetting how to spell.
And think.
BUT ANYWAYS
My application was $2,000, I am $2,000, this has my name on it.
I am the one in five hundred, or in this case, one of eight of 24 or something like that.
I'm going home tomorrow, paradigms are shifting, this isn't going to work.
And starting yesterday, I eat slowly and deliberately, and tiny portions, stopping when I am full.
I will lose 20 pounds by summer vacation.
I am a small-framed women, and I wear no extra baggage.
I do not over eat, I do not eat when I am bored, and I even exercise 3-5 times a week.
I walk everywhere,
and I don't die when I ride a bike.
I'm a vegan and I don't take the vegan dessert just because it is there.
Okay anyways, time to start finals for reals, I'm excited to have a word blog, this is so much cooler than tumblr.